parenting after separation

Coping with the holidays as a separated parent

There's a lot of advice out there for separated and divorced parents, about how to survive the holiday period. The following tips (reprinted from family law website are some tried and true ways to ensure that both you and your children can still enjoy your time together, and - equally importantly -  that you are able to manage your time away from them.

TIP NUMBER 1: Be ‘CHILD-CENTRIC’ at all times.

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Separating well - doing it for the kids

Many of us remember a time when it was thought that once we were parents, staying together - no matter how miserable we were - was better for the kids. Nowdays, research tells us that divorce is not necessarily worse for kids, especially if the alternative means remaining in an environment where there is ongoing conflict between parents.

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Looking after kids' wellbeing beyond divorce and re-partnering

Most of us are aware of the importance of looking after our kids' wellbeing as we navigate our way through the difficult terrain of separation, divorce, and starting a new relationship with someone who may also bring children with them from a previous relationship.

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Respect as an orienting framework for thinking about post-separation parenting

Managing the demands of shared parenting after separation can be complex - juggling competing schedules of children and families, communicating and negotiating arrangements with the person who you maybe would prefer to have nothing more to do with it it weren't for the fact you have children together. In the face of these challenges, it can be tempting to cope by simplifiying your thinking -your 'ex' is the one with the problem - s/he isn't parenting in the way I'd like, s/he is hopeless or defective in some way.

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Surviving the Holidays as a separated or divorced parent


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Should we stay together for the sake of the kids?

Are you in a relationship where the only thing keeping you there is your fear about the impact of separation and divorce on your children? You may be not only concerned about their emotional wellbeing, but your capacity to give them all they need  financially too.

Of course wanting the best for your kids is very important. What's also not only important but achievable is that even if there are very serious problems in your relationship, these can be worked on and improved where both partners are sincerely committed to making the sometimes difficult changes that may be required.

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Navigating separation - what are the pitfalls to avoid?

In an ideal world - and maybe some of you have come across these lucky people - separation is a decision arrived at mutually, and moving on can be done with little regret and while staying friends with one's ex. In this imaginary world, either there are no children - or, parents are so easily able to manage their own feelings that they are easily able to help their children through the process, and support, facilitate and encourage ongoing positive relationships between their children and the other parent. For so many of us, though, the reality is very different.

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Parenting after separation and the grief that gets in the way

When a relationship ends, even if you are the one who decided to end it, it can take a long time to grieve, let go and move on. What often helps, as much as anything, is to put as much distance as possible between you and your ex. But if you have kids together, this is easier said than done, and the children need the two of you to be able to communicate about them and their needs. When separated couples come to Family Dispute Resolution to sort out parenting agreements, often old wounds reawaken.

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