attachment

Finding the love you long for - an attachment perspective

Written by Vivienne    20 Oct    

Whether you are single and wishing for an intimate relationship, or you are in a relationship that is not meeting your core needs, the longing for attachment and connection to a special other can be overwhelming and painful. For many, this type of love may feel unattainable. Often there are many practical reasons for this in the here-and-now - a lack of suitable potential partners to choose from, for example.

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what creates security in intimate relationships?

Written by Vivienne    26 Jan    

Most of us have a clear idea of what we need to feel secure in our relationship with our partner. 

Many of us need to feel that our needs for closeness and being kept in mind are made a priority. We may express this in some of the following ways:-

"I need to know that when I really need you, you'll be there for me"

" I need to be confident that when you make decisions, you will keep me in mind"

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Why doesn't she just leave - why do we stay in abusive relationships?

Written by Vivienne    01 May    

Many of us have asked the question - why do I stay in a relationship that feels abusive? Or we may wonder about it from an outside perspective on behalf of someone we care about - why does she stay with him? Why does he keep going back to her, when she treates him so badly?

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love and insecurity - what does "I just can't live without you" REALLY do for relationships?

Written by Vivienne    29 Nov    

Phrases like "I can't live without you" sound so romantic, doen't they? Popular movies and songs celebrate the early 'falling in love' stage of romantic relationships, the idea that we should be emotionally fused together, even like a single entity, living only for each other, 'happily ever after'.

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How do I overcome obsession during/after a relationship?

Written by Vivienne    28 Sep    

Question: I am usually a very laid-back and care free, happy person. This holds true at the beginning of my relationships as well which is why they usually begin with a great start. However the longer I stay in them I begin to obsess over every little thing. I become jealous, I worry, etc. Then if a relationship ends I continue to obsess about their whereabouts and quite frankly I feel psycho! This is has lead to a lot of impulsive behaviour which I regret immediately after. Why can't I feel and act normal/sane?

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Creating Strong and Secure Relationships

Written by Vivienne    03 Dec    

Did you know - creating strong, secure relationships has very little to do with learning how to argue better, analyzing your early childhood, making grand romantic gestures, or experimenting with new sexual positions? Instead - the key is getting to the emotional underpinnings of your relationship by recognizing that you are emotionally attached to and dependent on your partner in the same way that a child is to a parent for nurturing, soothing and protection.

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