According to eminent relationship researcher Dr John Gottman, successful relationships rely on each partner allowing the other one to share power, have a voice in decision-making and accept the other's influence.
What does this mean in practice - in the day-to-day interactions we all have about running the household, thinking about our future, balancing competing demands for time and money?
Most of us know that it requires work to keep the passion alive in our relationships over the long haul, after the 'honeymoon period' is over. We know that it's important to nurture intimacy in the broader sense - making sure we are spending quality time together, remaining interested and curious about each other's interests and concerns, cultivating an attitude of playfulness and exploration as we continue to deepen our knowledge of what delights and fulfills our partner sexually.
You've made the difficult decision to separate. What's the best way to help your kids deal with it? It's not easy, especially when you're having to deal with your own strong emotions about what's happening, as well as manage the practicalities of sorting your finances, where to live and so on.
We all have a pretty clear picture of what it feels like to have the balance right in our relationships - when it's going well we feel connected, heard and understood by our partner. We use expressions like "we're able to work as a team", "we trust each other", "we're able to talk through issues and work things out" to capture our sense that things are as they should be.
When couples come to counselling, often they have lost sight about what is working well in their relationship. They may have a 'problem-saturated' story about their history together - that is, they can only remember the times where they have either felt disappointed in their partner, or times where they feel they have failed in their relationship.
If you are in this position, it may he belpful to ask yourselves the following questions:-
What are my partner's strengths, that attracted me to him/her in the first place?
There's a reason why so many fairy tales and romantic comedies end with a first kiss, a proposal or even a wedding. Falling in love is easy -- it's STAYING in love that can be the challenge.
Anxiety affects us all at various times. It may cause us to lose our ability to think clearly, to manage our own strong reactions to other people, and to calm ourselves down. Where anxiety is more than just a temporary response to a stressful situation, and is so intense or prolonged that we are unable to manage it on our own, it may be necessary to seek medical and psychogical help for what may be a mental illness.
