'Emotional intelligence', or EQ, has been found to be more important than IQ in helping us to do well in life. People with high EQ have better relationships, feel happier, and even do better in their careers and academically. So what is EQ? It is a set of skills that mean we are aware of our emotions, we know why we are feeling that way, we are able to manage how we express those emotions, and if necessary, we are able to work out what may need to be done in response to the feelings we are having about a situation.
No-one goes into their relationship planning to separate or divorce. We all dream of being able to stay together for the long haul, through good times and bad, hopefully growing together rather than apart through the process. Especially where we have children together, we strive to make it work. So when is it NOT a good idea to stay together?
We all know that the words we use are powerful in how they affect others. Even if we sometimes do this poorly, in the heat of the moment, often we at least have an awareness that it wasn't ideal (even if we feel justified in using hurtful words!). However, we often miss completely the powerful affect that our nonverbal communication has on those we love the most - for good and bad. Picture this - your partner gets home and tries to give you a kiss and a cuddle.
Many people have been well educated in the art of debating - the skill of arguing persuasively to convince others that one point of view is the right one, and that the opposing argument is wrong or flawed.
It's not unusual these days to choose a partner from a different culture to our own - in fact, it may be part of what draws us to that person. Differences in beliefs, values, ways of thinking about being a partner, a parent, how to live life can be challenging and inspiring, and encourage us to imagine different possibilities and create new synergies. However, cultural differences can bring some unique challenges as well. Often these challenges are not as evident at the beginning of a relationship.
Most of us have a fairly good understanding of how important the nonverbal parts of how we communicate are, when we want to know that our partner loves and cares for us. However, we don't often work on this directly, when trying to improve our relationship. We're much more likely to focus on the words we use, or asking our partner to choose their words more carefully, when thinking of better ways to resolve our differences and reach a resolution.
There's a general wisdom out there that sex only belongs to the 'honeymoon stage' of a relationship, that after kids she loses desire and he just has to put up with it - the inevitable result of being in a long-term, committed relationship! In fact, a passionate, adventurous and satisfying sex life is not only achievable but really important for couples at any stage of life! There are, however, many things that can get in the way of intimacy, and it is wrong to assume that they will just sort themselves out over time.
If your relationship has ever suffered the trauma of infidelity, you will be painfully aware of the damage it can cause, and how difficult it can be for relationships to recover. Dr Shirley Glass offers these facts about infidelity and love, and tips about how to innoculate your relationship against infidelity, as well as how to heal.
Seven Facts You Need to Know About Infidelity
A happy marriage is not a vaccine against infidelity.
There's a lot of advice out there for separated and divorced parents, about how to survive the holiday period. The following tips (reprinted from family law website http://wollandwollpc.com/blog/?p=211) are some tried and true ways to ensure that both you and your children can still enjoy your time together, and - equally importantly - that you are able to manage your time away from them.
It's a challenge at the best of times to achieve an optimal state of balance - time for yourself, time as a couple, time to complete paid and unpaid work - and if you have kids, time as a family and ideally some 1:1 time between each child and parent. The festive season adds a few more challenges to maintaining a relational balance, the lead-up to Xmas particularly often feeling like a mad scramble to get everything done and honour commitments to catching up socially with friends, colleagues and extended family.
