What creates true intimacy in relationships?

What are the things you do, and that your partner does, that nurture intimacy between you?

Many of us may think that intimacy is about having mind-blowing sex at every opportunity. or having romantic interludes away together, or surprising each other with extravagant gifts or romantic gestures.

Of course, these things are wonderful, and when they happen in the context of a relationship where both partners already feel connected and good about how things are going, they may well intensify your sense of pleasure and excitement about being together.

However, where relationships have started to feel fragmented, like it's hard to find each other and really connect in a way that nourishes us deep down, these attempts to rebuild closeness can misfire.

Intimacy is something more 'ordinary' yet more real and lasting than romance or fabulous love-making. It's about the day-to-day work of turning towards your partner when she lets you know she's needing your undivided attention, rather than avoiding the opportunity to really connect in that moment. It's about speaking from the heart, telling each other how we really feel and what we need, and working through defensiveness or even conflict to reach a shared understanding about what may need to change. It's about 'keeping each other in mind' even when life is stressful, and other priorities seem to urgently demand our attention.

Couples who actively cultivate this type of intimacy tend to report a growing closer over time - a deeper understanding of their partner and themselves in relationship, a greater capacity to 'lean in' and really rely on each other, an ever expanding sense of trust that they can 'speak from the heart' about their needs and wants, and that their partner will honestly and respectfully work this through.

This kind of intimacy takes time to create, but is the most priceless and special gift we have to give each other!

Till next post, Vivienne

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