Most of the time, when emotions aren't running too high, and where we feel good about where our relationship is at, we do a fairly good job of hearing our partner's different points of view. We may even do well at accepting where they are at, even if we don't understand it very well. However, when we don't feel as secure in our relationship, too often this very important skill fails us. Our need to BE understood and have our partner respond to us in a way that makes us feel secure may overtake our capacity to be the understanding and responsive one.