Creating Attunement in Intimate Relationships

To feel close in our most important relationships, it's vital that we feel that our partner is responsive, attuned to what is going on for us and to what we are trying to communicate. When this doesn't happen, we may experience a range of feelings - we may feel lonely, disconnected, misunderstood. We may also have a range of thoughts based on our beliefs about our partner's intentions - we may think that they don't care, are self-focussed, or are incapable of thinking about our experiences and needs.

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Parenting after trauma

Parenting is a challenge at the best of times! If we have additionally suffered from trauma earlier in life - especially abuse, neglect, or other harm done to us by someone close - there may be additional challenges to manage. The normal things kids do can remind us of upsetting things in the past, and therefore become much harder to manage. For example, my child has trouble managing his angry feelings, and perhaps starts fights with his younger sibling when he is angry at him.

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How do I know when to let go or to fight for my relationship?

Many of us understand the importance of fighting for our relationship, especially where there are kids involved. We may do this in a number of ways - by being persistant in trying to encourage our partner to talk about things that are worrying them, by letting them know what we need in order to stay in the relationship, for example. We may also fight for our relationship in less direct ways - by choosing to avoid getting into conflict about issues that may not be possible to resolve, or by choosing to accept differences and flaws, for example.

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