Many couples who come to counselling are anxious for strategies and practical solutions to the problems that are causing conflict between them. It's understandable - they simply want things to feel better as soon as possible. In some cases, they want their partner, who they may see as the problem, to be 'fixed'!
Of course, this approach is seldom effective, and oftentimes couples have found this out themselves before seeking professional assistance.
Have you ever felt more relaxed when listening to music? Have you ever listened to music that instantaneously brought up strong feelings or brought you back to a special time from the past? Have you ever felt a sense of inner strength or peace when listening to music? Have you ever sung a lullaby to help comfort a crying baby or sung the alphabet song to a young child who is just learning the alphabet?
Picture this - you're out for lunch together, you and your loved one, on a date. But every time you begin to talk, his phone rings, or yours does. You both feel it's important to at least check who is calling. It may be work, or a friend in need. By the time lunch is over, you've both spent more time responding to others than to each other.
Often when couples are grappling with ongoing problems that don't seem easy to resolve, arguments can get going at home, and it's hard to avoid these happening out of earshot of the children. Even when we think they're unaware or unaffected, it can be a shock to discover that they have witnessed our angry outbursts, and may start to either act out or become depressed/anxious in response.
Who says marriage is where desire goes to die? We can't quite bring ourselves to believe that passion can thrive on modern love—because our sexual imagination is stuck in the past.
