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50 ways to listen to your lover...

Most of us know how important it is to listen - not just hear, but really listen - when our loved one is trying to tell us somethng important. If we have already learned some skills in active listening, we might know how to indicate that we are trying to get it (I think what you're saying is.... Are you telling me that......?), to deflect our internal attention away from our own mind-chatter, and to hold an attitude of openess and preparedness to 'not know' (in other words, suspend our assumptions that we already know what our partner thinks or feels about a given issue).

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Book review: The longest journey: finding the true self. Amanda Stuart, 2012

The longest journey: finding the true self

Stuart, Amanda. (2012)

 

This is not a self-help book in the usual sense. This is a therapy book for lay people who want to understand some

of the 'whys' of life and relationships and then make some substantive changes. It is accessible and friendly. Like

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'Don't sweat the small stuff' vs 'the straw that broke the camel's back' - how do you determine what's important to fight for?

Are you in a relationship where you fight over seemingly trivial things? Or are you perhaps in a situation where one of you thinks the issue is trivial, while to the other it's anything but?

Or to put it another way - are you unsure whether you're just 'sweating the small stuff' (and need to learn ways to let go of things that are unimportant and cause unnecessary tension), or whether you're unable to move on because the issue is, in fact, very important to you?

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Running on empty: why self-care is one of the most important things you can do for your relationship

Before every airplane flight , safety instructions tell us that in case of emergency, when the oxygen mask comes down it's vital to apply your own before attempting to assist your children or other loved ones. Why? Because you can't help anyone else if you're unable to breathe! Once you're OK, you can swiftly and effectively help others.

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